Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Various quotes from the bar

"You should always live together before you get married. Just to make sure the rubbers work" -Jerry

During a discussion about the movie 127 hours where the guy has to cut his own arm off: "Well, you only need one hand to Drink beer." -Al

Justin: "Every man who's into any sort of fantasy shit wants to be a dragon tamer, because they will get laid."
Andy: "Yeah, they would get laid all the time *pause* and even if they didn't... They would have a fucking Dragon!"

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Bar music

At the bar we like to play mostly 80's music. Of course there are people who play other stuff too, but Journey, Styx, and the rest are the cornerstomes of the tavern. What kind of stuff is usually playing when you guys go to the bar? Let me know below.

Pig Roast

   There's a pig roast at the bar today, so I may have some more good stories to tell. This'll be a short post, because I'm about to leave. Last year, Rick the Bus Driver tried lighting the charcoal and put way too much lighter fluid/charcoal on there and ended up losing some eyebrows. I hope that doesn't happen again. Kind of.

Introducing Kenny

   Kenny turned 69 years old this year. He kept telling me he wanted a cake with two chicks 69ing on it. Yeah he might be a little bit of an old perv, but damn it, he's "69 and can do whatever I want at my party."
   Kenny is an extremely nice guy that goes around to a few of the local bars on his bike. It doesn't matter if it's snowing, raining, or he's had just a bit too much to drink, he'll be riding his bike home or to another bar.
   One of the things that strikes me as particularly special about Kenny is his genuine kindheartedness. A couple years ago now, he was riding home on his bike and he got stopped by 3 young men. They beat him up and stole all of his money. He ended up in the hospital for about a month before being released. He was getting older and was pretty frail, so when 3 young men jumped him, he stood no chance.
   The thing that surprised me though, is that he had the choice of making them go to prison or not and he chose to let them go. I asked him about it and what he told me was that he had seen what prison did to people. Kenny served as a police officer for quite a few years after his military career. He believed that they would have a better life, and would contribute more to society if they just did some community service and apologized to him. He didn't want to ruin their lives, and that's just one of many reasons I think Kenny is a genuinely good guy. Because of him, I know for a fact that there are nice people out there.

Introducing Rick the Bus Driver

   Rick the Bus Driver, Tundra Rich, or Rickipedia is the man who knows and has done everything. I feel like I could probably write a story of his each day and not run out of his stories. Then again, he probably makes up 2 stories a day so that becomes a little less impressive.
   One of his most well known stories that everyone has heard is the one about him and Steven Tyler(That guy from Aerosmith). Apparently, back in the day before Aerosmith got really big and still played for colleges and relatively small gigs, Rick and Steven Tyler were dating sisters. As he describes them, they were "smokin' hot." 
   I guess he partied with them quite a bit, but this story takes place in the back of Rick's van. They were smoking a 6 hose hookah in the back of his carpeted van, when Steven Tyler knocks over the hookah and sets his van on fire. Rick says that Steven still owes him money to this day. I'm not saying I don't believe him, but some of the finer details have probably been embellished over the many many years.


   So there is this older couple that comes into the bar I work at. Their names are Lonnie and Red. They're a pretty cute couple and everything so they always take me by surprise whenever they say something dirty.
   As you might know from my other blog, I own a software company and I have some secretaries. A few of the regulars have met them, because they've picked me up when I get too intoxicated when I go in there when I'm off of work.
   One day Lonnie begins talking to me about how she's pretty sure that pullout beds are tax-deductible. I was a bit confused, but then she went on to explain that I should have one in my office. You know, just in case we have to "work overnight" or my secretary is exhausted and "needs a massage." I don't remember all of what she said, but there was a good 5 minutes of making sexual innuendos and winks and nods to make sure I knew what she was talking about.
   I was blown away, but I thought it was hilarious. She followed this up tonight while I was covering for someone at the bar. There was a nice looking gal over at the other side of the bar that was talking to my parents, and Lonnie had apparently talked to her earlier and approved of her to be my secretary. Lonnie told me that this girl "was extremely beautiful and would look really nice on my couch at the office...I mean answering phone calls."
   I just chuckled at her when she continued about the girl's husband she just noticed, "If that's her husband, you'll have to get rid of that son of a bitch first." Coming from an older lady, I just couldn't contain my laughter. Her and her husband Red always make my work there more enjoyable.